maybe it’s time to drop everything I planned for my life
I feel like I was really holding onto this vision that I created for myself, for my life. To be a Somatic coach, breathwork facilitator, DJ at festivals, high-salary entrepreneur, etc, etc. I had a vision of her at one point, and that vision seems to fade away every day. And maybe it’s because that’s not what I’m meant to do at all. And today something clicked - just DROP IT.
So maybe it’s time to drop everything I planned for my life. Burn it all down. Allow my future to be a blank slate. Release the expectations, release the vision, stop GRASPING for something that doesn’t feel right. Stop feeling the need to fulfill a purpose. And maybe just…have fun. Enjoy life. LAUGH. Play. Love. Be loved.
My dad died in 2020, and up until that point, I was pretty numb. I don’t remember much of my life before that honestly. His death was my wake up call. His death led to one of my best sisters in this lifetime, it led me into working with a Somatic coach, it led me into my BODY. It led me back to myself. Because of his death, I found myself. I let go of some friendships and made space for some beautiful new friendships to take root.
And from 2020 up until today, I have been on the path to really finding myself. Unlearning stories and patterns that weren’t mine and integrating what genuinely makes me happy. So that means I’ve been doing the WORK for 5 years, ya’ll. One thing after the other, pushing myself outside of my comfort zone over and over and over, meeting new people, leaving some people, trainings, teachings, learning what my style is, finding my independence, finding my voice. So it only makes sense that something in me wants a damn BREAK. Wants to enjoy this new version of myself because it took time to get me to this point. Time and energy and effort and tears.
And so that is exactly what I’m doing. I am living life solely for the purpose of having some freaking FUN. And once I was able to silence the little critic in my head, I felt FREE. This is maybe the most free that I’ve felt…ever. I’m not holding myself to a standard, I’m not taking any trainings, I’m not leading any classes - I am just free to do whatever the f&%$ I want and it feels so damn good.
I almost feel like I just graduated from college and this is my moment to embark on my new life - open to anything. Remember that feeling after college? When you have no expectations for your life, when you trust that everything will work itself out, when you feel that you have all the time in the world? I’m channeling that energy right now. And I am loving every minute of it.
See you on the other side,
MJ
