By giving them another chance, I was abandoning myself.

I used to think it was a bad quality that I could detach so easily from people. That within an instant, I could see them so clearly and make a decision on whether I wanted them in my life. I used to beat myself up for this, and now… I realize that it’s a superpower. It’s my intuition. It's a gift. 

I used to detach from men with ease throughout high school and college. And then after watching me leave man after man in the dust, a friend said to me one time…”just give him a chance”. This friend was in a long-term committed relationship at the time, so I thought that maybe she knew better than me. Maybe I was being too harsh, maybe I did need to give these men another shot. What I didn't realize was that by giving them another chance, I was abandoning myself. 

So I threw my intuition out the window and just started giving second chances. Did they deserve it? Not all of them. And not to say that this was all intuition - part of this was me being extremely avoidant. There are many men that I WISH I gave a second chance because they were wonderful. They treated me with such care and respect. And I was scared shitless of that. I wasn’t ready and I definitely didn't feel worthy of that kind of love.

And I can look back on a handful of men that I dated (those ones that didn’t deserve a second chance) and realize that because I went against my intuition, it made them THAT much harder to get over. Why? Because of the shame, because of the guilt. Because I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. And then I kept going back to them because I felt the need to prove to MYSELF that they were good, that there was something there, that maybe they’d changed. Or that maybe they would choose me this time. And this turned into a constant loop of disappointment and anxiety. And ummmm, was this exactly how my parents were when I was younger? Sure was! 

All of this to say, I now have a strong sense of self and know who I am and I can still suss people out pretty quickly. The difference now - is that I’m re-learning to trust myself, to trust this initial intuitive hit. And I am done making excuses for men (or anyone for that matter), I’m done “giving them a second chance” when they don’t deserve it. I want a man who loves me, respects me, sees my worth, and CELEBRATES that. I want a man to cook for me, to build me up, and raise me higher. I want a man who goes after me fearlessly. And most importantly, whose words and actions are aligned. 

And I can confidently say that I finally feel WORTHY of this kind of love. So let’s go.

From one worthy B to the next,

MJ