Am I too quick to make assumptions about other people? Like they show me one side of themselves and then I just fill in the rest? As if I can sum up the existence of one person from the tid-bits of information that I learn within the first couple weeks of meeting them. 

I used to think it was a bad quality that I could detach so easily from people. That within an instant, I could see them so clearly and make a decision on whether I wanted them in my life. I used to beat myself up for this, and now… I realize that it’s a superpower. It’s my intuition. It's a gift. 

Burn it all down. Allow my future to be a blank slate. Release the expectations, release the vision, stop GRASPING for something that doesn’t feel right. Stop feeling the need to fulfill a purpose. And maybe just…have fun. Enjoy life. LAUGH. Play. Love. Be loved. 

And since that day, I am able to see how often I get angry about something and then immediately gaslight myself. A lot of the time, it’s because I want to avoid confrontation or making someone uncomfortable. Or because it feels ridiculous to be angry over something “so silly”. So I play the cool girl, everything is fine, I’m fine, it’s cool. When really I am FUMING inside. 

And from past experience, my moments of loneliness are typically when I find myself. When I explore. When I expand. When I reach. When I force myself to go outside of my comfort zone. To grab dinner by myself, head to an open mic show, go to a concert solo.

I keep telling people that I’m shedding, I’m letting go, I’m pulling back from commitments, cancelling plans, donating house items, rearranging my apartment. Creating SPACE. Space for what? Who knows…